Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
