Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
