he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
God, I missed his penis.
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