you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
