First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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