Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
