THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
foreskin is a definite game changer
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
