Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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