i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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