I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
