Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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