If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
