I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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