Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
