we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
