I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
