im six kinds of drunk right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
