I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
