Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
