if i can run in heels then i can drive
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
