Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
