did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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