Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
