Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
