Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
