when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who died my cat blue again?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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