I'm really into asian looking animals
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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