I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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