Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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