His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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