i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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