3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
