Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
