Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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