I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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