hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize