Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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