But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
