He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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