hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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