I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
