Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
