My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
