kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
