How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
