Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
