i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
