i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
