I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
