Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
