i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
