I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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