Nicole vs. Life
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
