Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
