i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
