I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
