I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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