She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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