I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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