Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
