I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
